Sunshine
by Pafoof
Summary: Narcissa didn't fall in love with Lucius until after they were married...


Sunshine

Narcissa had never been more exhausted in her life than the first six months of Draco's life. She had never had to lose sleep over anything in her life. No one dared to wake her when she was sleeping except for her son, Draco had no such qualms about letting his mother know she was needed. She sat in the rocking chair in the nursery and rocked her whimpering son. She couldn't fathom why he never slept through the night being the pampered little boy he was. Draco could have everything he wanted, except for a father she supposed. Lucius loved their son, she would never say otherwise, but he loved him like they had been loved as children. With a cold and aloof love that was never expressed. Narcissa was familiar with the methods since she had grown up with them but seeing them used on her son was painful. Lucius insisted that she get a nanny for the night hours but Narcissa just couldn't, Draco wanted his mum and that is who he would get.

The funny part about her fierce protection and love of Draco was that she hadn't wanted him at first. Getting pregnant had lit a light for Narcissa, casting nasty shadows on her life. She was twenty years old married to a man she hardly knew and was now having a kid with him. They were going to raise a child for the next seventeen years together and she didn't love him, not even a little bit. Lucius was more like a father to her, he made sure she had what she wanted and needed but that was all. He was so professional all the time and had many of the same business contacts her father had had. They never laughed together or shared inside jokes. He took her to dinner but they didn't talk about much besides what was going on in the Pureblood circle. She remembered taking the pregnancy test and telling Lucius, it had been the first time that she thought Lucius cared for her.

_Narcissa was curled in the dry bathtub. She didn't know where else she could go. Lucius may have been at work but the house elves were very loyal to him and were sure to tell him his wife was upset. The sobs wracked her body as she stared over their gardens. She never had any qualms about her life until now. She wasn't ready to be a mother with a mon who would never be a true father. She didn't know Lucius. The thought broke her heart and made her cry harder. She begged herself to stop crying, telling herself it wasn't all that bad but it just wouldn't happen. She was tired of not being in love, tired of not knowing if her husband even liked her, let alone loved her. _

_The sound of a door closing made Narcissa shove a fist against her lips to try and muffle the sound. Who on earth was in here? The house elves had already cleaned this morning..._

"_Narcissa?" Lucius' shock was evident at finding her in such a state, with her hair down around her shoulders instead of in a bun and her face an utter mess with no make up on and splotchy from crying. Narcissa was cornered and just tried to bury her face in her knees. The action brought more tears as she though of how hard it would be to have this child, practically alone. How was this going to work?_

_When his wife wouldn't answer him Lucius grew worried and took off his cloak to hang up by the bathroom door and took a few steps closer. "Narcissa, are you alright? Did someone upset you?" The hesitancy in his voice caused Narcissa to sigh loudly ad climb out of the tub even while tears fell. She stood in a dressing gown in front of her husband and stared at him._

"_Can we just stop pretending for five minutes?" Narcissa's voice was tired and she just was sick of pretending to be the perfect wife. She was human and Lucius had to accept that. Lucius placed a hand on his hip._

"_What do you mean, stop pretending?"_

"_Pretending that we have a functional marriage. I'm so sick of walking on egg shells around you. We are going to be married for a long damn time and I'm not going to pretend to be perfect for that long." Narcissa waved her arms around and gestured to her self in utter disarray. "This is me, this is what you get. I can play pretend for whatever diplomat you want but not for you. I need to be myself sometimes too. Except I will never be able to be just me again because soon there is going to be another little Malfoy I need to think of." Narcissa bit her lip as she realized she had just blurted out her secret. She saw Lucius grow paler as he sat on the edge of the tub numbly._

"_L-little Malfoy? You're pregnant?" Narcissa sighed again and went over to the mirror to brush out her hair to distract herself._

"_Yeah, I am." Silence hung in the air thick and heavy as a shroud before Lucius broke it. _

"_Why were you crying?" He sounded less shocked but was studying her in the mirror. Narcissa stopped the rhythmic brushing and again turned to face him._

"_I'm not ready to have it. I feel so lost with you. I'm scared." Lucius frowned and Narcissa turned away to stop herself from crying again. She took a sharp breath in as she felt a hand gently turning her aound. She automatically met Lucius' eyes as he looked down at her. He had looked at her plenty of times before but there was care in his eyes. He studied her face before running a thumb over her cheek._

"_If I could choose anyone, absolutely anyone in the world, to have a baby with it'd be you Narcissa, without a doubt you." Lucius placed his lips upon hers but it felt different this time. There was feeling to it, there was passion. She could feel love through that kiss and it completely stole her breath away. He moved back while still cradling her body to him and she gasped for breath. She rested her cheek against his chest and she felt closer to him than ever._

"_Lucius," Narcissa felt the tears fall slowly for the last time, but they weren't altogether sad. "I-I love you." A tiny sob finished her confession as she clung to the front of his shirt. Lucius' large, warm hands caressed her back._

"_I love you too." Lucius' words were nearly not heard but they held such conviction she never doubted them for a momtne. She could do this, with her husband._

From the moment Luciius had found out that they were going to have a child he was different, at least when they were alone. There wasn't so much hiding and putting up fronts. They showed they loved each other behind closed doors and Narcissa didn't feel nearly so alone as Draco Malfoy was brought into the world.. She realized that maybe Lucius would never blatantly show his son he loved him but she would make sure he always knew.

"You are my sunshine," Narcissa sang softly as she rocked the nearly asleep child. "My only sunshine, you make me happy when skies are gray. You'll never know dear how much we love you, please don't take our sunshine away."

~fin~


End file.
